Confessions of a hypnomum – the power of affirmations and auto hypnosis
Confessions of a hypnomum – the power of affirmations and auto hypnosis
My name is Carin and I’m a hypnomum, twice. I’m currently expecting our third hypnobub and the 34 week mark just hit me hard as never before.
I’m also a trained practitioner and I really not expecting feeling like I was feeling last week.
For the last year, I’ve been trying to reach mums all over the world through my webpage and blog, spreading the word of hypnobirthing and trying to educate as many women as I can, with the tools internet gives us these days. I’ve been translating articles, essays, writing like mad about my experience and general well being and hypnobirthing preparation for childbirth, I’ve been taken webinars after webinars, participating in knowledge hubs and childbirth educators groups all over the world to try to blog about the safe arrival, the latest statistics, rules, recommendations, trials, studies…you name it!
On top of all that, social media allowed me to “meet” incredible people with whom I’ve established friendships and partnerships and who showed me how birth occurs in other countries, less fortunate than ours. I’m not talking about developing countries (actually have a friend in Kenya who is having the most amazing pregnancy and has been supported by great health professionals).
I’m talking about civilized, “top of the notch” countries but that neglect women and childbirth to a degree I never imagined. “Obstetric violence” and “humanized childbirth” were terms that I never heard before I entered this unreal realm, and they are as common as saying “good day” to your neighbour.
I felt very sheltered, ignorant and innocent while listening to so many birth (horror) stories, articles and blogs throughout countries like Brazil, Portugal, USA etc…
Definitely feel very fortunate to live in Australia, to have had an amazing preparation for my first birth that led me to another great birth 18 months after and made me go on this adventure of spreading the word of hypnobirthing.
I have always seen myself like a bit of a super woman, “there’s nothing I can’t do” kind of person. I was born and raised in Lisbon, Portugal, first daughter of a hippie couple, had very non-traditional upbringing and maybe because of that left the country to explore Europe as soon as I could, halfway through Uni. Lived in Finland, lived in the Uk and found my way home coming to Australia.
Started our little family in 2012 with the birth of our first boy. 18 months after, our second boy arrived, away from everyone that was dear and close to me. My husband’s family lives interstate, so it’s just us. And it has been a bliss…
So there’s nothing I can’t do and I’m pretty good not letting people and things affect me… “shake it off” kind of attitude…
What I was not expecting was that all these massive walls that used to protect me from the outside “noise” where slowing crumbling apart with B3 due date approaching…
All this noise, the stories, the info, the images, the people I’ve met this last year, living in such different places, coming from such different backgrounds, having such different approaches to life made me doubt one of my core values: “there’s nothing I can’t do”.
I’ve started to doubt my ability to give birth again.
I found myself scared, petrified and lost, thinking of my upcoming birth.
How did this happen?!
I’ve done it before, beautifully, and twice! And I talk about it almost everyday!
Something triggered it.
Even though Hypnobirthing Australia-Hypnobubs material is always lying around at my desk, laptop and mobile, I was not using it for myself. I was telling other people how to use it but I was not using it.
I forgot one of the most important things that make your journey through pregnancy to birth easy and peaceful… trust yourself!
Pregnancy is one of the most vulnerable times in your life and it might be your first, second or tenth, you are going to feel different, be in different stages in your life and mindset. This time around I found myself not having the time to focus on it because my boys drive mad all day, all the time!!! Fortunately, my pregnancies have been amazing and apart of big breasts and enormous tummy I hardly feel pregnant.
But last week, something changed.
I was scared and obsessed about my upcoming birth.
I was worried of being too far away from the hospital where I planned to have my baby – we moved house since my last birth – and not getting there in time.
I was worried about where to leave my boys if B3 arrives before my mum, who’s travelling from Europe and only arriving around the 38 week. (Poor mum never arrived on time. Missed Liam by a week and Henry by 2 days).
I was worried about recovering properly and fast enough to keep up with my busy and mad schedule here at home.
I was worried about all the changes in the house for the baby arrival.
I was worried about how the boys are going to react to a boy or a girl as they have they preferences (surprise baby).
I was worried about being in Hospital for a couple of nights and my boys, specially little one, missing me and driving everyone insane.
I was worried about medical interventions and any special circumstances that might occur during labour.
I was petrified to the point of starting to cry just from thinking about possible surgery.
All the worries I never had during my previous pregnancies came all at once.
It was time to take care of myself.
Time to put my practitioner shoes and take care of myself like I was one my new mums.
Had a good cry…
Put myself together and after the boys went to bed I’ve to listen to “Birth Affirmations”, a track I’ve played countless times over the years but this time around, during this pregnancy, I reckon I haven’t really “listened” to it.
One time was not enough…I had tears running down for most part of it…
The track went on repeat and I started to heal…
Fell asleep listening to “Surge of the Sea” and in the morning, I was kind of back to myself…
It was like pushing a button that had been switched off. I’ve prepared myself really well for my first birth. During my first pregnancy I did it by the book. Listened to the affirmations daily, played all the tracks, found my favourites, did the “fear release” and didn’t even have any fears back then…made my husband read the scripts – didn’t work, I laughed all the time - all by the book.
Second time around, didn’t do as much but did a hypnobirthing refresh session, so all the work I’ve done before just came back beautifully and it worked again!
So this time, took me a couple of nights, but I feel a lot better now. I had to reset and block all the “noise” and assure myself of the amazing, glorious job I’m doing here, creating a new human being from scratch. My body is doing it again, and again I’m ready to give my all for this baby to have the best arrival possible, regardless of the turn my birth will take.
All the hard work done along the years is paying off and I’m positive it will have another great result.
Conditioning is everything and practice makes it perfect!
This confession came out as a “let it out” moment, but all I wanted to say is that even though I had all the reasons to be one of the better prepared mums around - I’ve done it twice, amazingly, I’ve became a hypnobirthing practitioner, I’ve been helping mums all over the world - … I forgot about myself and I let the noise take over.
I’m ready now!